My blessings are new each day...

46- that my husband has the opportunity to go back to school and persue what he feels God is leading him into at this time in our lives.
47- that he has lots of time available each day to study!
48- that my girls are loving homeschooling so much and are doing so well!
49-that my Dad is doing so well. I never thought he would survive the last few years, but he not only has...he is doing very well!!
50-for God's continued provision for us each and every day. It is so amazing to watch how he has provided!!

It's been too long...

#43 I am thankful for continued provision in the face of...well...nothing. It is amazing to see God work. He has provided so much with so little to work with!

#44 thankful for the means to finally go to the Dr. I found out that my BP was nearly at stroke level and now I am on meds and trying to find ways to reduce my stress level and that all important bottom number.

#45 thankful for my husband and his love for this family.

OH....SO very thankful today!!!

#42 - I am so very very thankful for my two beautiful daughters. I am thankful for their health, for their very life, for how they make me feel when I watch them sleeping, how they make me feel when I watch them arguing!! :-) How they make me feel just to know they are alive on this planet and that God chose me to be their mother!!!!

My heart is breaking for the Steven Curtis Chapman family today. They have lost their youngest precious gift of God. I cannot even imagine the grief. I cannot imagine.

~God...please hug this family extra close through this tragedy. Show them your grace, love and strength in a MIGHTY way today!!!~

trying to be thankful today...a note to God.

Dear God...
So much crashing down...so much not making sense...so many questions...why God?


Thank you for the trials!

Thank you for the upheaval!

Thank you for the confusion!

Thank you for the tension!

Thank you for the heartache!

Thank you for the tears!

Thank you for the fear!

Thank you for the pit in the center of my stomach!

Thank you for the black cloud that is bearing down on us!

Thank you for the feelings of utter despair and not knowing what next round of heartache tomorrow will bring!!

Thank you for not letting us drop dead in the middle of it from the shear stress!
I know it will all bring you glory some how...some time...

I wish I knew the outcome.

I wish I knew when it would end.

But I thank you in the meantime!!

Thank you for the email from someone that I will get telling me how all that we have endured over the last 19 months has sustained them through something!! I guess that is your purpose in all of this. I hope that it is at least part of it!!!

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge inthe shadow of your wings until this disaster has passed. I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me!

Psalms 57:1-2

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield. Psalms 5:11-12

But you are a sheild around me O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry alooud, and he answers me from his Holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me . Psalms 3:3-5

May 6, 2008

#38 for today. My dear husband and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage. I'd do it all over again baby!!!!

#39 watching my girls play together in the front yard. They love each other so much!

#40 Watching Aly's amazment at something as simple as an Ant bed. She could squat and watch it for hours on end!!

#41 Seeing things fresh and anew just by watching my girls discover the world around them...one ant, twig, leaf and blade of grass at a time.

April 30, 2008

#30 For dear friends who are always there to cover my family in prayer when we need it most.
#31 For a stash of change in the back of a drawer just in time!
#32 For the way my 4 year old can knock my socks off putting together puzzles on the computer
#33 For the awesome look in her eyes when I told her that I do and will always think she is CRAZY AMAZING!
#34 For the way my 2 year old just hung on my shoulder and said, "Just rock me Mom" after she had woken up and called for me tonight.
#35 For the way my husband still loves me through all we are going through!
#36 For the way I still love my husband through all we are going through!
#37 That knowing he loves me is the only thing keeping me going right now!!
#38 For the way that my girls sat still and listened for seemingly forever today while I read Psalm after Psalm after Psalm and cried out to God Almighty.

April 25, 2008

#26 for the way Aly can make Lili laugh...it bubbles up from her toes.
#27 the way Aly walks Lili to the nursery at night when it is time for bed in an attempt to keep her from crying too much. She holds her hand and talks to her and tells her that it is okay and not to cry.
#28 the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen each morning. I do NOT drink coffee...I think it is nasty, but the smell of it is pure heaven to my senses!!! Dad, I'm glad you drink coffee!!
#29 The way the house slowly comes alive in the mornings, not all at once...but one step at a time.

April 22, 2008

#21 that my children love cantaloupe and I have to make them stop when they get to the green part of the rind!!

#23 how my dog sleeps on her bed at the foot of our bed until early morning when she gets cold and I feel her cold wet nose by my face as she roots to get under the covers and snuggle close to me until morning. WHEW...was that a run on sentence or what???

#24 that when I announce, "get your shoes on...we're going to the park" my daughters act like I have just given them a million dollars!!!

#25 how my girls say, with tears in their eyes, "Mommy...I miss Daddy...when are we going home??" when they are ready to go home from wherever we are.

April 19, 2008

#20 Okay...this thankful moment is in the form of a story...bear with me

Rough morning here at the Swindler household. Lots of stuff hit at once and David was in a foul mood to say the very least. The conversation on our front porch was bitter at best, and totally depressing!! comments, options, not-so-much options, solutions...all offered out of fear, rage, complete mental exhaustion from trying to figure it out. It was going nowhere but down. Aly came outside in the middle of it and in a wild attempt to change the tone and content for her ears I asked her to recite her bible verse for her Daddy. (The verse is "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10)
She smiled and looked at her Daddy-man and said, "Hold still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10" The tears began to roll from both of our eyes. Aly always has an amazing way of saying just the right thing at just the right time.
God just steam rolled right over all of it out of the mouth of my 4 year old!!!!
I am so thankful for her very life!!! She is the most amazing child I have ever known and I am so blessed that she calles ME Mommy!!!

April 17, 2008

#16 For beautiful spring days outside with my girls enjoying God's creation. While Aly was running around out in the yard I asked her if she could see anything out there that God had made. She made a wierd face and said, "Mom...God made it all!!"
How right you are baby girl!!! How right you are!!!

#17 For opportunities to teach my girls to share without being so uptight that I lose my cool with them.

#18 For moments and glimpses of God's amazing plans for my girls...and the hope that I am included in them!

#19 That Aly likes to be dressed up and all frou-frou on one hand, but digging in the dirt in the front yard makes her equally as happy a little girl!!

April 15, 2008

#15 That with the morning comes the realization that the Orange Crayon situation is not as bad as it looked yesterday!! Most of the crayon came off and what stayed behind is mostly on play clothes anyway.

#16 That the remaining orange crayon will always be a reminder to me to check pockets VERY carefully!!!

#17 That we filed our taxes MONTHS ago and weren't in a panic over the last few days dealing with that!!!

April 14, 2008

#13 That to my beautiful girls...laughter is just as

as important as Oxygen!!!

April 14, 2008

#9 For the Crayola website with detailed instructions on how to get heat set ORANGE crayon out of clothing!!!

#10 For WD-40, Clorox for Colors, and Dawn dishwashing detergent - which is what the Crayola website recomends for getting HEAT SET ORANGE CRAYON out of the HUGE PILE of clothes I JUST BOUGHT on SATURDAY that went through the dryer with the ORANGE CRAYON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#11 That David was not home when I told him about the HUGE PILE OF CLOTHES WITH ORANGE CRAYON on them!

#12 for whatever lesson I am being taught by ruining most all of my daughters spring/summer clothes with ORANGE CRAYON!!

*Okay...so I know that I don't sound too thankful...but I am trying!! :-)

April 13, 2008

#8- for decongestant!!!! Thank you God in heaven for DECONGESTANT!!!!!!

April 13, 2008

#7 the fact that I now have the cold that has been running through our house for the last week. Maybe now my husband will give me some time off today!!!

#8 Elderberry syrup...it really helps with cold/flu symptoms!!

#9 my sweet little Lili-bug...who gets so excited when she wakes up in the mornings and hollers at the top of her lungs "MAHHHHHHMEEEEE!" When I come in the room she smiles as she is jumping up and down in her crib..."I ed-ee to et up now"

#10 my amazing Aly...who always finds me in the morning and crawls up into my arms and says, "I missed you last night Mom" while she twirls my hair with her sweet little hands.

April 12,2008

6-Our Virus software expired on our computers today. David didn't realize that the subscription had run out. He was very frustrated at having to pay out that money today and we hadn't planned on it.
I am thankful that we had the money to renew it!!! God is good and He always provides!!

April 11, 2008

5-I am thankful for frozen turkey burgers , mushroom veggie burgers and a box of macaroni and cheese...and that my husband and my kids will actually eat them!! Okay...so i did fix some steamed broccoli as well!!

April 11, 2008

1- I am thankful that my mother chose to stay home and raise me instead of persuing her own end. As I look at her picture on my desk, I am reminded of all that she sacrificed to teach me all that she did. I am so blessed!!

2-I am thankful that even in the midst of all that is going on, my husband believes and agrees that regardless of it all, I WILL be staying home and raising our children.

3-I am thankful for my children, even though they are driving me crazy right at this moment. So many things to work on!!

4-I am thankful for my husband and the fact that he still puts up with me no matter how many times I screw it up!!

Sizzling in the wok...

I feel like we have been in the bottom of this huge wok...stirfrying away...for so long now!! Some days it is a struggle to put one foot in front of the other...many days are filled with fists shaking in the air at God for leaving us (HA!)...often times tears are the only emotion I can muster...other times anger, fear, frustration, disbelief, questioning, anger...did I mention ANGER...fill my thoughts and come out of my person all over whom ever is closest. That is usually David or my beautiful daughters. Something HAS to give here!! I can't live like this anymore!!!
Obviously God has not abandonded us
Obviously God is still in control
Obviously I am the one who has gotten too far away from God!!!
So...what do I do about it?
Well, I guess the easiest thing is to start spending more time with him...DUH...but I feel too angry for even that right now. My heart is in desperate need of softening after the year of hardening I have come through. I have walls built up to protect my heart and my head. I have walls built up to protect my children. I have walls built up to protect my marriage. I have walls built up to protect everything that is precious to me. The only problem with this contstruction project is that instead of protecting those things, I have simply walled them off and the weeds are growing at at steady pace!! So...
I have decided to put into practice an "attitude of Gratitude"
It may be quite superficial at first until my heart loosens up a bit, but you have to start somewhere, right?? As I start to let go of my grip on my own life, I look forward to God taking hold in a mighty way!!!!
Stay tuned and watch the miracle take place!!
In HIS Mighty Grip
Shelley