Sizzling in the wok...

I feel like we have been in the bottom of this huge wok...stirfrying away...for so long now!! Some days it is a struggle to put one foot in front of the other...many days are filled with fists shaking in the air at God for leaving us (HA!)...often times tears are the only emotion I can muster...other times anger, fear, frustration, disbelief, questioning, anger...did I mention ANGER...fill my thoughts and come out of my person all over whom ever is closest. That is usually David or my beautiful daughters. Something HAS to give here!! I can't live like this anymore!!!
Obviously God has not abandonded us
Obviously God is still in control
Obviously I am the one who has gotten too far away from God!!!
So...what do I do about it?
Well, I guess the easiest thing is to start spending more time with him...DUH...but I feel too angry for even that right now. My heart is in desperate need of softening after the year of hardening I have come through. I have walls built up to protect my heart and my head. I have walls built up to protect my children. I have walls built up to protect my marriage. I have walls built up to protect everything that is precious to me. The only problem with this contstruction project is that instead of protecting those things, I have simply walled them off and the weeds are growing at at steady pace!! So...
I have decided to put into practice an "attitude of Gratitude"
It may be quite superficial at first until my heart loosens up a bit, but you have to start somewhere, right?? As I start to let go of my grip on my own life, I look forward to God taking hold in a mighty way!!!!
Stay tuned and watch the miracle take place!!
In HIS Mighty Grip
Shelley